I met a friend in line at a dance event. We were talking in line and she told me about her aloneness. She was not complaining, but searching through words for what being alone meant to her.
I responded by telling her that I struggle with this too, but it feels right now like I need to be — that I just need to accept this aloneness because I am being forced to… and maybe, just maybe, it has some purpose.
Over and over again, life has shown me what is what—by having no romantic relationships work out for a million different reasons. My life is this, because it is this… and no amount of trying will change it, because I have tried. I feel that I have to accept my aloneness and stop looking outside myself for anything from another human being.
I have known this for a while, but still tried not to be alone. There is a shame in aloneness in this culture, I think especially for women. For centuries, women have been valued for “who” they have attracted into their life. Is he handsome, is he successful, is he powerful, is he rich? (This situation also has its negative effect on men, but that is another discussion). But I know there is a great difference between understanding something and being able to live it.
From decades of awareness practice I know this “other” that I keep looking for outside myself is the Universal Consciousness, God, Goddess, Divine Intelligence or LOVE, whatever one calls it. I know that when I am in alignment with this. I don’t feel the need for anything else.
I was in a group one time with a great teacher who said “my job is to help you hit the highest note” and for me that means gathering up all the parts and pieces that I have been rejecting or projecting on “other” and take full responsibility for all of me…both my power and my weakness.
From my experience, this aloneness is very active. It is work. It is watching the longing for something outside and pulling it back inside or upward or into the heart. It is working with and discharging the old stories about our value as women or human beings.
I feel that claiming this aloneness is the only way we can live a certain power that has not been present in our culture for a long time. A quality that combines our masculine discernment with our feminine love, to bring compassion and ferocity together for the greater good. Using the heart with the sword so we can say “no” to the injustice in the world. We are the protectors of life — the great mother bears. It is our responsibility.
But be prepared. If we do this, if we accept our aloneness and gather up all our pieces, we will be powerful. We will need nothing from outside (not approval or permission) and we will be threatening because we cannot be swayed, fooled, bullied pushed or manipulated. No one can leave us.
I am certain we will also be projected upon and rejected because we are not “nice”, we do not go along and we do not fit into acceptable roles for women, but it won’t matter because we will be aligned with our inner knowledge and wisdom. And with this level of self-respect comes a capacity to stay true. This will be our company.
I believe many women are going through this process and maybe have not really named it. I feel like the evolutionary impulse, the great teacher, life is calling us to claim our power, not defined by anything outside ourselves.
We are not flawed. We are infinitely capable and powerful. I wrote this for myself (as permission) and for all my sisters. It is time to focus on the real work.
We can be alone together.